Humor (6)
It's a Dog's World
I've made a lot of New Year resolutions that didn't get past the first week. I'd like to post more blogs, for instance, but I probably won't . One thing I would like to have is more humor in my life. Nothing cures like a good laugh. I hope your New Year is filled with good cheer, health, and happiness.
A couple of dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter.
"My dog is so smart," says the first owner, "that every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around. He tips the kid and then brings the newspaper to me, along with my morning coffee."
"I know," says the second owner.
"How do you know?"
"My dog told me."
My sister asked me to get her a baby monitor, but I couldn`t find one anywhere, so I bought her a baby iguana instead
Oh how we try to have control of our pets—
Dog Rules
- The dog is not allowed in the house.
- Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only with certain rules.
- The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
- The dog can get on the old furniture.
- Fine. The dog is allowed on all furniture but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
- Ok, the dog is allowed to sleep on the bed, but only by invitation.
- The dog is allowed to sleep on the bed whenever it wants, but not under the covers.
- The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only.
- The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
- Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.
~Anonymous~
Favorite Animal
Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed.
My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where I am now
"Time Was When"
by Jack H. Bruce
Time was when, dark down a walked alley was I
When a big black bark came out and dogged at me
I put my pocket in my hand
Pulled out my tail and cut off his knife
Thirty-one years have slipped by since Linda's father, Jack H. Bruce, passed on March 6th, 1980, at the age of fifty-nine. We are sharing this tale in loving memory of a truly great man, war hero, husband, father, and grandfather. The fond memories, strong values, and the gift of his wonderful humor remain with us. The above, is a short tail tale that Jack loved to tell. We are not certain of its origin, but we have never heard it told by anyone else before or since. We believe he is the original author.
Years ago, when my sister Cathy and her 7 yr old son visited our house, our Brussels, Chula, came up missing. After a thorough search of the house we began searching the neighborhood. We lived on one of the fingers in Indian Rocks beach and our house backed up to the inter-coastal waterway, as did the houses on the opposite side of the street. Needless to say, our biggest fear was Chula fell off our seawall, and that’s were I began our search. I sent my wife, Linda, and my sister, Cathy, along with her son, Jackie, to begin searching the street, door to door.
Chula was well known in our small community and many knew her by name. Chula was the typical Brussels; independent, cat like, and she often seemed to scoff at us mere humans. Rarely did she bark...it seemed beneath her dignity. She had expectations, and as long as they were met there seemed no reason to bark or carry on foolishly. She often showed up at a neighbors house—unannounced. We were, after all, at her disposal. Think of the comic strip Garfield, only in a dog.
After an hour of searching, knocking on doors, and calling her name we decided to regroup back home to make a few calls to authorities. I went to the kitchen and pulled out the phone book while Linda offered to fix lunch and get some drinks together before we headed back out on our search. Linda opened a cupboard door to get some snacks, and there sat Chula. We all begin yelling and cheering while Chula just sat there with the look of “What’s the big deal. I’ve been right here all along, while you've been searching like idiots everywhere—except in this cupboard”. When we finally tired of hugging and kissing and passing her around, she nonchalantly walked over to get a drink of water and then headed back to her favorite resting place on the back of the sofa.
To this day we don’t know who closed the cupboard door on Chula, but we are pretty sure that, for Chula, it was one more piece of evidence convincing her that those humans are the inferior beings. She lived to be 18 years old and was one of the biggest joys in our life.
